So, uh, I've never posted a fic here before (because quite frankly I'm a newbie and not worthy)--buuuuut this was inspired by Marsh's badfic bingo, especially the tongues battling for dominance free square, and while it's really sort of bad and cheesy, I'm inordinately proud of coming up with some terrible smutfic cliches and wanted to share. Here you go then, my cheesy, cracky fluff drabble. I laughed writing it; if you laugh reading it, then it's mission accomplished. Though I warn you--it was just sort of a gag, so I had no clue how to end the silly thing. It shows.
Tongues
There was only the briefest knock before her door burst open and he came strutting in, looking down at her with a slight frown. Maka glanced at him out of the corner of one eye before returning her gaze to the book in front of her.
“Hey—you’ve been holed up in here all day. You’re gonna start sprouting mushrooms if you don’t move soon. Plus, it’s your turn to make dinner and I’m getting hungry.” The meister gave no answer from her place on her bed where she lay sprawled out, stomach down.
“Earth to Maka?” Soul leaned over the bed, his voice tinged with annoyance.
“I’ll do it in a minute, let me just finish this p—Soul!” she screeched as he snatched up her book and took several steps back. She flipped to her side and looked towards him, seething.
“Give. It. Back.” The girl said from between clinched teeth. The white haired boy just shook his head, grinning.
“Wanna see what’s so damned interesting.” Maka glared at him in warning, reaching beside her for a book that was no longer there. For the moment, she was disarmed; Soul’s grin widened at the realization.
“So let’s see…” his hand still marked the pages she’d been on as he’d grabbed it, and he scanned down now and settled on a passage. “…their tongues battled for dominance, but it was a battle that she was destined to lose as he shoved his tongue deep inside her mouth.” Soul laughed, shaking his head. “’Tongues battled for dominance’—how the fuck would that even work? It’s just lame.”
“How should I know?” She looked pissed, her green eyes flashing. “It’s not like I’ve tried it. Now give it back.”
“What the hell are you reading anyway?” He flipped the book to eye the cover and laughed louder. “Hearts Aflame? Sounds fascinating.” Maka’s complexion shifted significantly into the magenta end of the spectrum.
“Liz recommended it,” she mumbled, the fierceness having drained from her now downturned gaze.
“Then it must be good.” He began to scan the book again, skipping to the next page and scanning further. “Ah, here we go. ‘She gasped as his thick, rough fingers moved down to ignite the hot throbbing bud of her womanhood’—‘da fuck? Why not just say he fingered her cl—“
“SOUL!” she shrieked, bolting upright on the bed and thrusting out her hand in expectation.
“I’m not done,” he said, moving farther towards the door in anticipation as she stood up. “’She shuddered as she reached down timidly to grasp his hard, hot, throbbing member. Holy shit, she thought as her hand could not reach around his enormous girth.’” He had backed out the door as he read, avoiding her as she stalked towards him. The scythe maneuvered so that the kitchen table was between them and grinned at her. “’Hard, hot, throbbing member?’ Who writes this shit?” She was moving around the table now and he edged the other way, ready to bolt if necessary. But she was a meister; she was faster. She reached him in two angry strides and snatched the book up, then quickly used it to whack him over the head.
“Makaaaa chop!” she shrieked. As he sprawled on the floor below her, she looked down at him triumphantly, her face red with embarrassment and anger.
“Ya know,” he smirked up at her lazily. “If you were really that curious, you could have just asked someone.”
“A…asked what?”
“To experiment. You know, see if tongues really do battle for dominance or whatever the fuck.” Somehow, impossibly, she turned even more red.
“I…I don’t…” Maka sputtered. “And anyway, who would I…?”
His only response was to waggle his eyebrows suggestively at her.
“UGH gross!” she screamed in frustration, throwing her book at his head. “KEEP it! And you can make your own damned dinner you… you… pervert!” She stalked off, her door slamming behind her. Soul couldn’t decide if he was more amused by the whole thing, annoyed he’d have to make dinner now, or hurt that she found the very idea of practicing with him “gross.” Picking himself up off the linoleum, he grabbed the book and placed it on the counter. Well, at least if he made dinner she might forgive him.
As he began to get out the ingredients for curry, he wondered idly if kissing his meister really would involve tongues battling for dominance. Somehow, he doubted it, but he would love to find out. Perhaps with her reading crap like that, some day she might even let him try.
Tongues
There was only the briefest knock before her door burst open and he came strutting in, looking down at her with a slight frown. Maka glanced at him out of the corner of one eye before returning her gaze to the book in front of her.
“Hey—you’ve been holed up in here all day. You’re gonna start sprouting mushrooms if you don’t move soon. Plus, it’s your turn to make dinner and I’m getting hungry.” The meister gave no answer from her place on her bed where she lay sprawled out, stomach down.
“Earth to Maka?” Soul leaned over the bed, his voice tinged with annoyance.
“I’ll do it in a minute, let me just finish this p—Soul!” she screeched as he snatched up her book and took several steps back. She flipped to her side and looked towards him, seething.
“Give. It. Back.” The girl said from between clinched teeth. The white haired boy just shook his head, grinning.
“Wanna see what’s so damned interesting.” Maka glared at him in warning, reaching beside her for a book that was no longer there. For the moment, she was disarmed; Soul’s grin widened at the realization.
“So let’s see…” his hand still marked the pages she’d been on as he’d grabbed it, and he scanned down now and settled on a passage. “…their tongues battled for dominance, but it was a battle that she was destined to lose as he shoved his tongue deep inside her mouth.” Soul laughed, shaking his head. “’Tongues battled for dominance’—how the fuck would that even work? It’s just lame.”
“How should I know?” She looked pissed, her green eyes flashing. “It’s not like I’ve tried it. Now give it back.”
“What the hell are you reading anyway?” He flipped the book to eye the cover and laughed louder. “Hearts Aflame? Sounds fascinating.” Maka’s complexion shifted significantly into the magenta end of the spectrum.
“Liz recommended it,” she mumbled, the fierceness having drained from her now downturned gaze.
“Then it must be good.” He began to scan the book again, skipping to the next page and scanning further. “Ah, here we go. ‘She gasped as his thick, rough fingers moved down to ignite the hot throbbing bud of her womanhood’—‘da fuck? Why not just say he fingered her cl—“
“SOUL!” she shrieked, bolting upright on the bed and thrusting out her hand in expectation.
“I’m not done,” he said, moving farther towards the door in anticipation as she stood up. “’She shuddered as she reached down timidly to grasp his hard, hot, throbbing member. Holy shit, she thought as her hand could not reach around his enormous girth.’” He had backed out the door as he read, avoiding her as she stalked towards him. The scythe maneuvered so that the kitchen table was between them and grinned at her. “’Hard, hot, throbbing member?’ Who writes this shit?” She was moving around the table now and he edged the other way, ready to bolt if necessary. But she was a meister; she was faster. She reached him in two angry strides and snatched the book up, then quickly used it to whack him over the head.
“Makaaaa chop!” she shrieked. As he sprawled on the floor below her, she looked down at him triumphantly, her face red with embarrassment and anger.
“Ya know,” he smirked up at her lazily. “If you were really that curious, you could have just asked someone.”
“A…asked what?”
“To experiment. You know, see if tongues really do battle for dominance or whatever the fuck.” Somehow, impossibly, she turned even more red.
“I…I don’t…” Maka sputtered. “And anyway, who would I…?”
His only response was to waggle his eyebrows suggestively at her.
“UGH gross!” she screamed in frustration, throwing her book at his head. “KEEP it! And you can make your own damned dinner you… you… pervert!” She stalked off, her door slamming behind her. Soul couldn’t decide if he was more amused by the whole thing, annoyed he’d have to make dinner now, or hurt that she found the very idea of practicing with him “gross.” Picking himself up off the linoleum, he grabbed the book and placed it on the counter. Well, at least if he made dinner she might forgive him.
As he began to get out the ingredients for curry, he wondered idly if kissing his meister really would involve tongues battling for dominance. Somehow, he doubted it, but he would love to find out. Perhaps with her reading crap like that, some day she might even let him try.
